i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
