I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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