I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
