You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
