Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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