i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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