Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
