I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
