You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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