Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
