I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
