My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
