My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
