My liver just broke up with me...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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