Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
