I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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