WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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