but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
accomplished twins. life is a go
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
