So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
