i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So squirting runs in the family.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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