Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
