Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
