Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
