I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
