"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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