This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
