Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Your cock deserves a montage
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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