That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
