is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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