Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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