i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
