They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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