hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
