They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize