her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
