Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm getting married
To pizza
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize