Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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