i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
