Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
