I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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