Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
