Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
