I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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