I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
