Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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