i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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