i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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