My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
