Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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