***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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