Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
cat food counts as protein by the way
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
