He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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