We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
