I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize