how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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