explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
