in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
