We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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