so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
