Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
