vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
