I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
