A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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