as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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