We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
