I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
