drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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