On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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