Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
