Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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