some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize