my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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