Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
