He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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