Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
send nudes
from the living room?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
