i jhust puked up my retainher.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
