A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize