hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
