I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
