I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
