I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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