How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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