I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
