I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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