She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Come see our sink grown plant.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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