sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
