You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize