Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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