i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
