hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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