Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
