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• (641): View more from Iowa

  are you wasted or are you getting laid?

  (515): View more from Iowa

  ebdebdebdebd

  (641): View more from Iowa

  wow

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• (862): View more from New Jersey

  Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.

  Fav 40 2490 3431

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• (213): View more from California

  Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.

  Fav 8 4841 909

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back

  Fav 16 7648 1283

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck

  Fav 8 943 1456

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.

  Fav 4 914 600

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!

  Fav 1 882 519

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• (954): View more from Florida

  He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.

  Fav 1 174 14

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to

  Fav 0 86 11

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?

  Fav 0 37 31

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