just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
