Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
