the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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