I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
