dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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