just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
