I can text with my tongue
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So many bounce houses so little time
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Randomize
