yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
