puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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