Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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