I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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