i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
