if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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