the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
