Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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