i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
