Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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